old

i was looking through my old tumblr (i can’t even remember why exactly i decided to get a new one; i guess i’m fickle like that) and i remember the day i wrote this:

“Today you left me. I told you I love you. You said I love you, too. Confession #2, tumblr: This is the first time I’ve said I love you and actually meant it. I love you, not the idea of you, not the idea of having you, not a fantasy of someone who’s just there, but you yourself. All of you, for who you are and who you aren’t, for what you make me feel and how you make me me.

I love you.”  

After you dropped me off at my apartment, me wearing that same black dress for days in a row, and looking at the back of your car as you drove down that hill. It was a hill that seemed so small and yet so far. Nico was walking home right then and saw me. I broke down and cried. He gave me a cigarette. I smoked it and cried some more. I’ve always loved you. And I’ve always known that.